Posts Tagged ‘Author’

It’s twenty days into November.  I feel as though my brain is in hyper-drive.  My story is moving so quickly I can’t seem to keep my fingers typing fast enough to keep up. These are the days when I wish bio-connectivity to my laptop was possible.  Then all I’d have to do is think and it would type the words automatically.

I understand that my brain doesn’t think in words and the amount of processor power and training to understand this fevered mess I call my mind would be overwhelming to build.

But still, there are days when I wish it were so.

According to my word count, I’m 67% of the way through my novel.  If my novel ends at 50,000 words.

I’m just going to tell you now, so we can be honest with each other.

I don’t think it’s going to end there.  I’m two thirds to my goal finish and we’ve just found out that Stevie is involved in the mystery some how.  But more importantly, Lee’s disappeared.

Every muscle in my body aches.  I feel what Stevie’s feeling right now.

I don’t know if it’s capturing your attention or not, but I’m so involved right now, I couldn’t stop if I tried.

I think my heart would burst.

I want to know what’s going to happen.

But more than that, I need to know…

Keep watch, will you?

‘Cause I’m goin’ in!

Stevie excerpt...

Stevie excerpt…

Excerpt from Stevie

I’ve been thinking about this post for awhile. Not for any reason except I say these words to myself often. I realized I hear them all the time, too, but never stopped to really think about what they mean. As a writer, that’s a horrible state to be in. Not thinking about the meaning of words. It’s akin to walking naked into a coffee shop, ordering a hot latte, then proceeding to pour it all over yourself. You realize first that you’re naked, second that you’re in a coffee shop with lots of other folks, and third, it hurts.

It hurts more than normal.

Here are the words in a sentence, then I’ll break down what they mean to me in three #Blogs

Here it is –

I would, if I could and I should, but I won’t.

Would. Could. Should.

This third word – Should

It’s taken me longer to write this final post than I anticipated.  I learned something about myself in these past few weeks. Every time I started writing this post, my inner critic took over.

It said things like, “Who are you to think you’re an expert? You’re a ranch raised, nobody Okie with delusions of knowledge.  You’re a peddler of illusion. You should go back to the ranch, little broomstick cowgirl.”

“Do you really think people care what you say? You don’t have a degree in psychology.  What makes you think you can speak on the subject of fears, phobias, and angst?”

But the best one was this, “You should be doing something productive.  You should be working at Walmart as a greeter because this writer thing is too big for you.  You should just quit.”

That’s right.  I ‘should’ on myself.  I was covered in the brown, slimy fecal word, should.  The damned stuff got in my eyes, my ears, up my nose, and in my mouth.  I’m honestly showing you how it feels to believe the shoulds.  The words I tell myself so I don’t do the work that makes me happy.

Isn’t that strange?  Work that makes me happy is the work I shy away from.

Actually, when you struggle with self esteem, I believe this is what happens.  I believe the words I’ve typed above go through many people’s mind.  But that’s not why I wrote them out.  I wrote them out, so I can see what is holding me back.

Shining the light into the darkness, so to speak.  This final post is about the word, Should.

I use it constantly.

If I look at its use in my own life, I see that I stop myself from doing the things that are sometimes painful to start.

I say, “I should be working at Walmart as a greeter, that’s a much more noble profession than writing because it brings in a steady paycheck and regular hours.”

Here is the truth –

“I shall be doing all things writerly because it makes me happy, but beyond that, it brings peace.”

Yes, I said, peace.

I write what scares me because it brings peace to my soul.  The words spill out onto the page in fearful, sweat-dripping, can’t breath descriptions of what scares me.  My vivid imagination helped me survive a myriad of downright horrific situations, and it also helped me survive boredom, teenage angst, young adulthood, and now helps me write.

However, during the time I didn’t write, my vivid imagination was covered in a thick layer of black filthy ‘shoulds’.  That time was a dark age in my life when I reacted, hurting myself and many, many others through one addiction or another.  I sometimes thought of it as an empty slot where I could “insert current addiction here.”

A friend of mine called it “Earth School”.  My grandmother called it “The School of Hard Knocks”.

Some might say it was good fodder for my writing career.

I say, maybe, but I don’t wish it on my worst enemy.  Experience is a double edged sword. The scars aren’t always easy to bear.

So this ends the three words I never thought hurt.  Would, Could, and Should. 

Now, I’ve replaced them with new words. 

I can.  I will.  I shall.  New words for a new chapter.  I think it’s gonna be a helluva ride.

All my love to you on your journey, my friends.

M.

What are 3 words you never thought hurt?  I would love to hear them.  Post them below and don’t forget to share this.

I’ve been thinking about this post for awhile. Not for any reason except I say these words to myself often. I realized I hear them all the time, too, but never stopped to really think about what they mean. As a writer, that’s a horrible state to be in. Not thinking about the meaning of words. It’s akin to walking naked into a coffee shop, ordering a hot latte, then proceeding to pour it all over yourself. You realize first that you’re naked, second that you’re in a coffee shop with lots of other folks, and third, it hurts.

It hurts more than normal.

Here are the words in a sentence, then I’ll break down what they mean to me in three #MondayBlogs.

Here it is –

I would, if I could and I should, but I won’t.

Would. Could. Should.

First up is Would.

Mirriam-Webster online definition states –

—used to indicate what someone said or thought about what was going to happen or be done

—used to talk about a possible situation that has not happened or that you are imagining

—used with have to talk about something that did not happen or was not done

I want to focus on the second and third definitions. How many times have I used the sentence, “I would do (x,y,z passion thing), but I have this (a,b,c not passion thing) to do first.”

“I would…, but….”

My world darkens as I think about it right now. It becomes dim, gray, and lifeless. Inside, I know, my soul yearns to do the passion thing. But I don’t do it. My excuses are just as varied as the sunrises and sunsets. Then the blame game starts. It’s who’sit’s fault, because they didn’t let me. It’s what’sits issue because they made me feel guilty.

My Grandma Blakney always said, “Be careful when you point a finger. There are three pointing back at you.”2015/01/img_1797.jpg

I know it’s an excuse when I say it. “I would, but…”

I am a self-flagellating human being. In our society today, it’s normal to be that way. I’m not skinny enough, so I have to do this horrible binging and purging thing. I don’t look as young as I used to, so I have to use this or that cream, scrub, and injection to be young again.

Even healthy has become a self-flagellating experience.

How many times have I told myself, “I would eat healthy, but it’s so expensive. I would exercise, but it’s cold outside.” Knowing full well that they are excuses. To top it off, there so many advertisements that tell me the way to healthy is to buy this or that product. Those fuel my excuses.

But the truth is, it comes down to the word, “Would”. And it hurts.

My grandmother was full of deep wrinkles, earned in Depression Era hard labor. Her first and middle fingers were stained tobacco yellow and her teeth were Medicare approved inserts. Her hunched shoulders carried the weight of a lifetime of experiences no one, in this age, could understand.

But her eyes were sparkling merry sky blue mischief making portals to her happy soul. And in her later years, she was the wisest, most beautiful person I ever knew.

I would be like her.

Next Monday, I’ll talk about the word “Could”.

For now, tell me what you use “Would” for and how does it make you feel?

Some very interesting predictions.  I wonder how they will turn out.  Mark is a very astute observer and I believe it will play out much as he says.

What are your feelings about Indies quitting in 2015?

It’s obvious the self publishing trend is slowing down, what do you think of his advice about time management and getting back to basics?

I want to know!

Smashwords: 2015 Book Publishing Industry Predictions: Slow Growth Presents Challenges and Opportunities.

11022013 193Yes, today is release day for my collaborative book with Troy Lambert.  I am excited to realize my dream of becoming an author.

I know we all say that if we write, we are writers, and this is true.  I know that’s what helped me keep moving forward, exactly what Kristen Lamb keeps saying.  We Are Not Alone.  We are writers.

But…

There is something about seeing your name on a cover.

There is something magical about going to Amazon, searching for your name, and seeing this:

This Is What It Looks Like

This Is What It Looks Like

It’s amazing.  It’s Magical.  It’s scary as hell.  Because now the responsibility kicks in.  I’m an author.  I have published a book and I plan on publishing a lot more!  And that’s scary.  All the what if’s come to play.

That’s why I posted that picture of my mother and my brother above.  My mother died of lung cancer a couple of years ago.  It took my life into a tailspin that only in the last year, I’ve been able to recover from.  But that’s another story.

I posted the picture of my brother and mother to remind me that life is short.  Happiness is fleeting.  But Joy, deep and lasting, soul filling joy can be found.  You just have to believe.  And trust me, sometimes it’s damned hard to do.

I dedicated this book to my brother, because, well, he deserved it.  He has been my best friend since I can remember.  He and I shared secrets and tears and everything I would imagine a best friend does.  He is my “Bud”.  And for the record, again, I really did NOT try to kill him while we were growing up.  It may have seemed that way, but, most of the time, I was right there with him, cheering on his courage (or naivete) to try the stories and adventures I came up with.  He is the strongest, most amazing man I’ve ever met.  We raised each other right.

 

SO, here are the links to my first book.  I look forward to hearing from you and I’m glad you’re coming with me on this journey.  We Are Not Alone.

And where we are going… that’s a VERY good thing.

Welcome to Ridge Falls.

It’s already too late.

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00MPWXXGO

Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/467228

Please feel free to comment and share this post.  I would actually love to hear from you and gain new friends.

You all take care now,

M.

 

Launches 08/15/14

Launches 08/15/14

On my walk this morning, I was thinking of the things we take for granted. Things such as – the sun will rise this morning, whether we see it or not. Things such as – I will always be there for my family. And finally, things such as – Siri is a woman.

On January 1st, I changed the gender of the voice of Siri on my Apple Iphone 5c to male, just to see what would happen.

Siri does what Siri always does. He gave me directions and looked up information in that non-threatening, upward tilting, half sarcastic voice in a male version. He gave the exact same answers female Siri does. Exact. Same. Answers.

But when I talked to my colleagues about Siri, this is what I would say:

“Siri gave me directions to the business center. I asked her where ‘Cereal’ was and she said she was having difficulty today. Please check back later. She’s so funny!”

Yes, I said she. I called Siri ‘she’ even though I knew ‘she’ was a ‘he’ on my Iphone. I took for granted that Siri is always a she, no matter what voice comes into my ears. This bothered me because the truth is, my Siri is a man and yet I didn’t give the gender role it’s proper status. I took for granted that Siri was a woman. That was wrong. Does Siri care? No, absolutely not. I asked him.

“Siri, do you care that I call you a woman?”
“I’m not sure we have time for this, Marlie.”

Siri has better things to do than worry that I called him a woman. But I cared, because I don’t want to take advantage of a gender role. Any gender role.

I made a promise today to myself. I promised myself not to take things for granted. The sun may not rise for me tomorrow. I may not always be here for my family . And sometimes, Siri is a man. I will appreciate the differences in every one and every thing. I can change Siri’s voice back to female to make myself comfortable, but then I wouldn’t be reminded every time I use him, not to take things for granted.

My Siri is a man.

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